August 2015
In This Issue
Turning working relationships around
Executive Presence 2015
Fourteen Hours Homeless
Turning working relationships around - the fine art of apology

All of us have relationships that don't work well. We might have offended someone, rubbed them up the wrong way, said the wrong things, stepped on someone's toes or make a habit of avoiding certain people. Being able to turn a relationship around or rebuild a relationship is an essential capacity for leaders as is knowing when a relationship has run its course.

How do you turn a relatonship around? There are ways you can reverse direction. Once you have completed justifying to yourself how the relationship breakdown is the other  person's fault and they are the ones that miss out by not being involved with you, you might consider
how important is this relationship to you? 

If the relationship and the person is important for your work, warming up to taking a fresh approach, and beginning again is possible.

One option is for you is to make a proposal Let's begin again.

Another is to apologise. I made a mistake, or I was wrong, I apologise, lets start over.

A more personal approach( with your ego in the background) might go like this; Our relationship is important to me. I do want us to work together well. I'm sorry to my part in upsetting you.
Lets begin again. What do you think?

One key to building a good working relationship is to ensure the relationship is mutual. You are likely to know the benefits to you of building a relationship with this person. Make an offer which indicates you appreciate the benefits to the other person, of having a good working relationship with you. What might you be able to achieve together?  Discover common ground, shared interests and shared outcomes. We are both involved in this area, we both want to empower our staff, and we both want our clients to have the best experience.

When apologies are genuine, they are productive. Genuine apologies touch the heart and enable a new beginning.

Some examples: If you are habitually late for meetings,and you (habitually) apologise, recipients become cynical. They know your apology is insincere, or a social nicety, as you are going to be late again, and again. If you are habitually late for meetings, learn to enter groups and engage in the work without drawing attention away form the work. Everone has a reason for being late. The main message communicated by being late is that someone, or something other than the group you are joining was more important.

I notice when leaders enter groups and apologise, at least two things happen. Firstly, the leader is immediately on the back foot, and secondly, the attention of group me
mbers is drawn away from the work of the group and towards the leader.

Apologies have a social function, they are an acknowledgment expressing regret or asking pardon for a fault or offense. At work, by taking responsibility, leaders shift the function of an apology to a work function. If an apology means work is progressed then yes, apologise. When leaders apologise to be 'polite' or have others think positively of them, they are likely to be mistaken. When leaders genuinely apologise because they value the person, and/or the relationship, the real work begins.
If you are thinking of reassessing some of your working relationships to be more productive,  consult Diana or enrol in Executive Presence
NEW* Executive Presence for Principal Advisors 2015

Do you want to have greater ease, confidence and effectiveness, when working with Ministers, CE's and senior leaders? Enrol in Executive Presence for Principal Advisors. 


This programme provides you with the opportunity to discover your impact on others, and develop the presence and impact now relevant to your role. The programme dates are designed to coincide with the parliamentary recess. 

Enrol in Executive Presence for Principal Advisors with Diana Sept - October 2015

Fourteen Hours Homeless - 9th October 


Here's a chance to contribute to supporting Wellington social services groups for homeless people in our city. You can directly assist people who are disadvantaged in our community, and Fourteen Hours Homeless is an opportunity for you to be involved. 


Experience something of what is might be like to be homeless - from 8pm on Friday night 9th October to 6am Saturday morning, you and two team mates, can register, find sponsors and raise money for your preferred Wellington social service agency. 


Agencies including the Wellington Homeless Women's Trust; Wellington Youth Services, the Soup Kitchen, Wellington Night Shelter and Downtown City Mission collaborate to provide essential services to Wellington's homeless.


The group closest to my heart is the Wellington Homeless Women's Trust. The Trust provides 3 months accommodation and life-giving social services to homeless women in Wellington who want to turn their lives around. I chair the Trust, and we welcome your support for the continuation of our services. 


See something of the Trust's work  here 


Register your team or make a donation here:

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